Tuesday, February 18, 2014

I Never Learned How To Ride A Bike

I never learned how to ride a bike. I know it's weird. It's not because I grew up in Saudi Arabia. Unlike most OFW kids in the Kingdom, we weren't secluded between the four walls of a surprisingly spacious apartment. We lived in a big house and we had a big backyard, both we got to share with other families as well. I had a pretty great childhood but I never learned how to ride a bike.

I never learned how to ride a bike because my parents didn't buy me one. They were worried about me falling. They didn't want me to get nasty childhood scars from inevitable bike crashes. They had a dream for me. And unwarranted scars on any part of my body will only ruin the dream. They failed to anticipate that I am not able to grow an inch over five feet. Alas, their dream died. Even then, I never learned how to ride a bike.

I never learned how to ride a bike. I am now turning 25, newly single but still bike-less. As I come to grips with the reality that I had parted ways with the person I have loved for two years and so, the remains of unfulfilled promises come to the surface. I've always wanted to learn how to ride a bike and he promised he would be the one to teach me. Two years into the relationship and days after we've parted ways, I still have never learned how to ride a bike.

Me: Do you know how to ride a bike?
Him: Yep yep
Me: I don't. Hahaha
Him: I would be lame if I didn't but it's okay for a girl. I'll teach you.

I never learned how to ride a bike but it's a higher up item on my bucket list. And now I realize that you won't be the one to cross that item out. It just occurred to me that I will never get to experience you scolding me for my lack of motor skills and coordination. It just occurred to me that I will never hear you say "Get up and try again" when I fall. It just occurred to me that I will never see you sweat and hear you complain about the sweltering Philippine heat, all because I have never learned how to bike.

Him: I got you. I'll catch you when you fall.
Me: Hahaha

I never learned how to ride a bike and I may learn someday but it won't be because of you. We will never ever get to ride tandem bikes and go sight seeing across the countryside. We will never ever get to ride a bike to the middle of a meadow to picnic under the shade of the mango tree while staring up at the clouds. If I only knew how to ride a bike in the first place, then this have been a real possibility. It's sad that I never learned how to ride a bike.

Me: I really wanted a bike back then.
Him: Okay. Let's ride a bike together.

I never learned how to ride a bike and I've always wanted to and I've always hoped when it finally happens, it will be with and because of you. Now that we're over, my quest to successfully maneuver a bicycle lies by the wayside. And I wish I could blame you. I wish I could say that it's all your fault. But it's really not. If I waited, then maybe someday you could still teach me. Then again, two years and so has been long enough to put my dreams on hold because I was too busy fulfilling yours. Two years and so is a long enough time to wait for you to do something as simple as teaching me how to ride a bike. I know you loved me. You just didn't love me enough to teach me how to ride a bike. That's why, two years and so, I still haven't learned how to ride a bike.

Our relationship, from its fruition to its inevitable demise can be summarized into one simple but meaningful sentence and that is: I never learned how to ride a bike.

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