I just finished browsing a blog. I will not mention the blog because it will be very obvious that I visited the blog for stalking purposes. Hey, I'm a girl. That's what girls do. I did manage to get some info of course but it wasn't as juicy and it wasn't as much as I'd hope it would be. But I must say this, reading that blog helped me to realize a few important things.
I realized I was forgetting again. When the year started, I asked God to change my life. I told him about that one big decision I have to make and if He really wanted me to make it, to please make it easier. It was basically just the one thing I asked from Him during our annual New Year Midnight prayer and I believed He answered my prayer 11 days later.
I was amazed at how quickly He answered. I guess it's because it was the first time in a long time that what I wanted was actually what He wanted for me too. Believe me, God and I, we rarely see eye to eye. And it isn't His fault. It's all mine. I was scared. I was scared of how He was going to use me if I allowed Him. I was scared of His plan for me. I was scared that I wouldn't like His plan for me. But then last year, I thought to myself, whatever God's plan for me was, that would be leaps and bounds better than the way my life is turning out right now.
When I realized that He answered my prayers, I was very excited. I was very excited that I forgot. I forgot that He answered my prayers. What happened on that day could've never happened without divine intervention. He needed me to decide quick and He gave me that push I need to decide. However, it was still difficult for me. It was difficult for me to let go and up until now, I'm still going back and forth on my decision. I went through this before and I couldn't go through this again. I remembered how it devastated me. Then I remembered, it devastated me because I chose to go through it without Him. I realize now that I have to trust Him. He's going to take away the pain.
I also realized that I needed to be a certain kind of person to fully achieve the plan that God has intended for me. I realized that what He gave me that day wasn't a gift. It was a goal that I had to aim for. I couldn't be who I am today and have that because I will only ruin it. But if I change, if I become the kind of woman He has always wanted me to be, I would be able to claim my prize.
So that's it. I'm starting a new leaf. I can't promise to be better all at once. It's going to take a lot of work given the kind of person I am but with God's grace, it is possible.
Now, time to dust off my Bible.
I realized I was forgetting again. When the year started, I asked God to change my life. I told him about that one big decision I have to make and if He really wanted me to make it, to please make it easier. It was basically just the one thing I asked from Him during our annual New Year Midnight prayer and I believed He answered my prayer 11 days later.
I was amazed at how quickly He answered. I guess it's because it was the first time in a long time that what I wanted was actually what He wanted for me too. Believe me, God and I, we rarely see eye to eye. And it isn't His fault. It's all mine. I was scared. I was scared of how He was going to use me if I allowed Him. I was scared of His plan for me. I was scared that I wouldn't like His plan for me. But then last year, I thought to myself, whatever God's plan for me was, that would be leaps and bounds better than the way my life is turning out right now.
When I realized that He answered my prayers, I was very excited. I was very excited that I forgot. I forgot that He answered my prayers. What happened on that day could've never happened without divine intervention. He needed me to decide quick and He gave me that push I need to decide. However, it was still difficult for me. It was difficult for me to let go and up until now, I'm still going back and forth on my decision. I went through this before and I couldn't go through this again. I remembered how it devastated me. Then I remembered, it devastated me because I chose to go through it without Him. I realize now that I have to trust Him. He's going to take away the pain.
I also realized that I needed to be a certain kind of person to fully achieve the plan that God has intended for me. I realized that what He gave me that day wasn't a gift. It was a goal that I had to aim for. I couldn't be who I am today and have that because I will only ruin it. But if I change, if I become the kind of woman He has always wanted me to be, I would be able to claim my prize.
So that's it. I'm starting a new leaf. I can't promise to be better all at once. It's going to take a lot of work given the kind of person I am but with God's grace, it is possible.
Now, time to dust off my Bible.
